It’s been a while since I wrote something here. How have you been?

Honestly, I’ve been exhausted lately. Physically, mentally, and probably emotionally too. For a while, I’ve been trying to figure out how to put this into words because the easiest explanation would be to say, “I don’t like my job anymore.”

But that’s not really true. I actually love what I do. It’s the environment around the work that has been wearing me down.

When the Work Isn’t the Problem

My current job is in hospitality, which means pressure is part of the deal.

There are standards to maintain, mistakes to fix, deadlines to meet, and moments when things don’t go according to plan. I understand that. I don’t expect work to always be comfortable, and I’m not someone who needs everything to be easy.

What has been difficult for me is the way criticism and feedback are delivered.

There have been moments when my mistakes were met with shouting. I understand being held accountable. I understand being told when something isn’t good enough. But there’s a difference between receiving feedback that helps you improve and receiving criticism in a way that slowly makes you question yourself.

And I think that’s what affected me the most.

My confidence.

It’s strange how quickly confidence can disappear.

You can know that you’re capable. You can have years of experience behind you. You can have done good work before. Yet when you’re constantly made to feel like your mistakes define you, you eventually start questioning whether you’re actually as good as you thought you were.

Maybe that’s what exhaustion really was for me.

Not just being tired from work, but being tired of second-guessing myself.

So, I Decided to Leave

Eventually, I reached a point where I thought the best thing I could do was leave.

I submitted my immediate resignation.

Perhaps “immediate” was the problem.

My company requires a one-month notice period, and because I didn’t comply with that requirement, I was told that I could face a penalty. From the company’s perspective, my sudden departure would disrupt the marketing operation, especially because they hadn’t found a replacement yet.

So I was given two choices:

Complete the one-month notice period, or pay the penalty.

I chose to stay.

Not because the situation had suddenly become okay, but because sometimes leaving isn’t as simple as handing in a resignation letter and walking away.

There was another twist to the situation.

After management spoke with my direct report, I was told that she didn’t want to continue working with me either. I thought that would make the decision fairly straightforward. If neither side wanted to continue the working relationship, perhaps it was simply time to part ways.

But that’s not what happened.

Instead, I was moved to another department to complete my notice period.

And honestly, I found that a little strange.

One of the reasons given for the penalty was that my resignation would disrupt the marketing operation. Yet if I’m no longer working in marketing, then what exactly is being disrupted?

I don’t know.

Maybe there are things happening behind the scenes that I don’t fully understand.

At this point, I’ve decided not to spend too much energy trying to make sense of it.

A Different Kind of Beginning

Tomorrow, Friday, 27 August, I’ll start my temporary position as an F&B Host.

It’s definitely not what I expected when I started this chapter.

But maybe that’s okay.

I’ve always believed that our careers don’t have to move in a perfectly straight line. Sometimes we take a step sideways. Sometimes we take a step back. Sometimes we end up somewhere we never planned to be.

And sometimes, those unexpected turns teach us something we wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

I don’t know yet what this temporary position will look like.

Maybe I’ll enjoy it.

Maybe I won’t.

Maybe it will give me a different perspective on hospitality. Maybe I’ll discover something about myself that I wasn’t expecting. Or maybe it will simply be a month that I need to get through before figuring out what’s next.

For now, I’m trying not to force an answer.

Maybe This Is My Reminder

One thing I’ve been learning lately is that loving what you do doesn’t automatically mean you have to accept everything that comes with it.

You can love your career and still admit that a particular environment isn’t good for you.

You can be willing to learn from your mistakes without allowing someone else’s way of delivering criticism to destroy your confidence.

And you can leave something without hating it.

I don’t hate my job.

I don’t hate hospitality.

I don’t even regret taking this position.

But I think I’m finally learning that there is a difference between being challenged and being constantly made to feel small.

And that’s a difference worth paying attention to.

So, here I am.

Still figuring things out.

Still a little exhausted.

Still unsure about what’s next.

But tomorrow, I’ll put on a different uniform, walk into a different department, and see where it takes me.

Maybe this isn’t the ending I wanted.

Maybe it’s just another plot twist.

We’ll see.